sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
