Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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