This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
