Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
