the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How external is "for external use only"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
