i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
