I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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