we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
