I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize