Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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