Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize