it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
