Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
