Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
