You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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