but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
