i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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