these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
