How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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