She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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