True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
