Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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