He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
