Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
