Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
