alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
