why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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