: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
