My friends, they love my intelligence
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
