I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
