I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
