Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
