a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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