see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
