He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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