I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
