and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
