Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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