I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
