needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
