Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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