Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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