There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
