Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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