still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
