We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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