Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
