i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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