so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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