what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
