Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
