I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
