i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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