they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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