Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think my moral compass just broke
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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