he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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