I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
