We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the condom got lost in my hair
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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