"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
