Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
