Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
