My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
