mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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