you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
