I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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