I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
