do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
