Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
