so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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