ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
