I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?