i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm too high and old for this...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there