The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen