She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".