Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
