jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat