I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
