Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
