Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
