hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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