I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
