were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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