in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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