i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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