I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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