he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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