Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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