....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize