Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
