break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
