Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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