You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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