when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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